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Parental Burnout: Signs, Mental Load, and How Overwhelmed Parents Can Reclaim Balance

  • annandalepsych
  • Aug 29
  • 4 min read

By Christine Annandale


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When most people imagine becoming a parent, they picture the joy, the cuddles, and the deep sense of purpose that raising children brings. Parenting is profoundly meaningful—but it is also one of the most demanding roles we will ever take on.

The problem is that society still tends to celebrate the rewards of parenthood, while leaving parents to quietly wrestle with the struggles. It’s only in recent years that researchers have begun naming and studying parental burnout—a state that goes far beyond the “normal stress” of parenting.


Psychologists Moïra Mikolajczak and Isabelle Roskam (2018) define parental burnout as what happens “when parents chronically lack the resources needed to handle child stressors.” In other words, when the scale of demands versus resources tips too far for too long, parenting stress and exhaustion set in.


Imagine a balance scale. On one side are the demands—daily hassles like school lunches and meltdowns, as well as bigger challenges like financial pressure, family conflict, or a child’s health concerns. On the other side are your resources—things like rest, support, coping strategies, or moments of joy. When the demands consistently outweigh the resources, the scale tips toward parental burnout.


What Parental Burnout Looks Like


Parental burnout has several core symptoms that unfold gradually over time:


  1. Feeling utterly depleted by parenting tasks: Parents describe being emotionally, mentally, and physically drained, even by the most ordinary duties, like helping with homework or preparing meals. Rest no longer feels restorative. This is often called parental exhaustion or parenting fatigue.


  2. Emotional detachment from children: Parents still meet their children’s needs, but interactions feel “flat.” The warmth is gone, and irritability or snapping becomes common. This isn’t a lack of love - it’s the nervous system stuck in a “freeze” response after constant chronic parenting stress.


  3. A stark contrast with one’s former self: Many parents say, “I don’t even recognise myself anymore.” This shift often brings shame, guilt, or fear that they’re failing their children. Mom burnout and dad burnout can feel isolating and overwhelming.


  4. Physical symptoms: Sleep disturbances, headaches, digestive issues, and lowered immunity are common companions of parental burnout.


Importantly, this is not just “a bad week” or ordinary parenting stress.


Why Some Parents Are More at Risk


Some parents carry heavier loads on the demands side of the scale: single parenting, financial stress, a child with special needs, or lack of community support to name a few. Others may have fewer resources: difficulty regulating emotions, perfectionism, unresolved trauma, or minimal self-care.


Modern society has intensified these risks. Compared to a few generations ago, parents today spend more time directly caring for their children, despite also working longer hours. Add the explosion of conflicting parenting advice online, and it’s no wonder so many parents feel like they’re constantly overwhelmed. Social media amplifies this pressure, serving up endless images of “perfect parents” with spotless homes and smiling children.


The result? Parents who are anxious, isolated, and running on empty.


Why Does It Matter


Parental burnout doesn’t just affect parents—it ripples through families:


  • For parents, it raises the risk of depression, anxiety, sleep disorders, and even escape ideation.

  • For children, it disrupts emotional co-regulation and attachment. Kids of burnt-out parents may struggle with behaviour, anxiety, or feeling secure in relationships.

  • For families, it fuels conflict, erodes intimacy, and reduces daily functioning.


Left unaddressed, burnout undermines the connection and stability children need most.



How to Rebalance the Scale


If you see yourself in any of this, you’re not alone. Needing help in parenting is normal - we were never meant to do it all alone. Here are some strategies to help tilt the scale back toward balance and reduce parenting fatigue:


  • Adjust expectations: Perfect parenting is impossible! Striving for perfection increases anxiety, guilt, and self-criticism. Remember: “good enough” is better for both you and your child.

  • Reclaim parts of your identity beyond caregiving: Even small, consistent steps matter. Try dedicating just five minutes a day to something that brings you personal enjoyment.

  • Notice small moments of joy or laughter: Brief moments of connection, play, or humour can replenish depleted emotional resources.

  • Learn about repair: Mistakes or conflicts with your children do not mean you have failed. Repairing relationships strengthens your bond.

  • Listen to your emotions, especially anger: Anger often signals unmet needs like rest, support, or validation. Use it to guide healthy coping strategies.

  • Prioritise self-care: Regular rest, leisure, or mindfulness practices help replenish mental load and emotional energy.

  • Seek support actively: Reach out to friends, family, parenting groups, or professionals. Even knowing that someone understands your struggles can relieve the emotional burden.

  • Focus on manageable improvements: Start with one or two strategies, and gradually build a toolkit of practices that restore energy, patience, and emotional availability.


By integrating these approaches, you can begin to restore balance, reclaim joy in parenting, and protect both your well-being and that of your children.


Where to Find Support

If you feel you may be experiencing parental burnout, reach out - whether to a trusted friend, family member, or professional. Importantly, the resources below are available even if funds are limited:



Final Thoughts

Taking care of your own mental health is one of the most powerful gifts you can give your children. When we are rested, resourced, and emotionally supported, we show up as calmer, more joyful, more connected parents.


Parenting will always be demanding, but if we keep our scale balanced, we can protect ourselves and our families from the weight of parental burnout, mental load, and parenting fatigue.


Resources & Further Reading


If this article resonated with you and you’d like to explore this topic further, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to reach out below.


 
 
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