Adjusting to Parenthood: What’s Normal and When to Seek Support

By Christine Annandale

Although I am a psychologist, nothing quite prepared me for the transformation I would undergo once I became a mother.

Despite all the preparation - the books, the antenatal classes, the carefully folded baby clothes - nothing could fully prepare me for how different life would feel once my baby arrived. It wasn’t just the sleepless nights or the endless to-do list. It was a deeper shift - one that affected how I saw myself, my relationships, and even the future I had imagined.

I loved being a mom. But I was also overwhelmed, anxious, and constantly second-guessing myself. It took months of navigating those mixed emotions before I realised I needed to understand why this season was both so beautiful and so incredibly demanding. Why motherhood made me question parts of myself I’d always felt sure about - like my career, my values, my identity.

That’s when I discovered the concept of matrescence - the profound, often unspoken transition into motherhood that touches every part of who we are: our identity, our relationships, our minds, our bodies. And suddenly, so much made sense.

I now feel passionate about helping other mothers — not just new mothers — understand and navigate this significant transformation.

What’s Normal: Adjustment After Parenthood

Becoming a parent changes everything. While every journey is unique, there are common emotional and psychological shifts that many people experience.

That’s matrescence - the developmental transition into parenthood.

In the first few weeks and months, it’s completely normal to:

• Feel overwhelmed or uncertain

• Struggle with disrupted sleep and constantly changing routines

• Worry about your baby’s wellbeing or your ability as a parent

• Experience changes in your relationship with your partner

• Feel a mix of joy, grief, love, guilt, and everything in between

These feelings are not signs that you’re doing something wrong. They’re often just signs that you’re adjusting to one of the biggest changes a person can go through. With time, support, and rest, these challenges typically become easier to navigate.

When It Might Be More Than Adjustment

For some parents, though, the emotional load becomes heavier and more persistent.

If you notice any of the following signs, it might be more than just typical adjustment:

• Feeling hopeless, flat, or emotionally numb most of the day, nearly every day

• Persistent worry that feels uncontrollable or irrational

• Panic attacks or obsessive, intrusive thoughts

• Avoiding baby-related tasks or feeling disconnected from your baby

• Difficulty sleeping—even when the baby is sleeping

• Thoughts of harming yourself, or feeling like your family would be better off without you

If you’re experiencing any of these, you’re not alone - and it’s not your fault. Postnatal depression and anxiety are common and treatable.

Tips for Navigating the Transition

Here are some small steps that can make a big difference:

• Lower your expectations—perfection isn’t the goal

• Accept help. Ask for it. Schedule it.

• Rest wherever possible, even if it’s just closing your eyes for 10 minutes

• Talk about how you feel, even if it feels messy or contradictory

• Make time (even five minutes) for yourself each day—your needs matter too

Why Therapy Can Help

Working with a therapist isn’t only for people diagnosed with postnatal depression or anxiety.

Therapy can be a safe space to explore:

• The identity shift of matrescence

• How your relationship dynamics are changing

• Your birth story, especially if it was distressing

• Your connection with your baby

• Building confidence and self-compassion as a parent

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, or just not quite like yourself, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to figure it all out on your own.

Becoming a parent is a transformation - beautiful, messy, and deeply human.

Learning about matrescence gave me the language and understanding I needed to make sense of my experience. If you’re navigating this transition, I hope this gives you permission to be gentle with yourself, and to reach out if you need support. You’re doing the brave, important work of becoming.

Contact me